Dark Horse

Here is my new favorite quick workout! I am obsessed with this song and this is such a fun workout! I did it 3 times in a row today. FUN!

Needing to dig deep

I had an interesting conversation last night with some family members regarding Weight Watchers and other weight loss programs. Weight Watchers has been the only thing that has ever really worked for me and I am not much of a supporter of other weight loss programs. Although, I do support the fact that different things work for different people. The most important thing regarding weight loss is eating better and moving your body. Last night, my eyes were opened to something that I NEVER realized, something that Weight Watchers is not doing for me. 

As a Weight Watcher, I am able to eat when I am hungry no matter how many points I have left for the day due to the fact that most fruits and veggies are zero points. That is one of my favorite things about WW. However, THIS DOES NOT FIX MY PROBLEM. I am a good healthy eater, most of the time. But, I have now realized that my addiction is food. I like to eat and I like to eat all day long. Whether I am eating healthy foods or not, I want to eat all the time. This is an issue that is deeper than WW. It is not often that I feel totally fulfilled after eating and I know this is more of a psychological issue that I need to deal with. Luckily, I have the support of my WW friends to discuss and talk through all of this with. Trust me, I am not bringing down WW nor leaving the program. I just totally had that "AH HA!" moment when making this realization.

Yesterday, I told my sister in law that my goal this week was to get "sweat time" in everyday this week. I am adding a new goal this week to be aware of when I am eating and why I am eating. 

I was never deprived of food, I never had to eat every single crumb, I never had any pressure with food. So, why do I struggle with it? How can I dig deep enough into myself to determine what the cause of my obesity is? Honestly, I snicker to myself when people say "oh, I eat when I am sad" or "I eat when I am stressed". I say that I snicker because when I think about myself....I eat because I LOVE FOOD. I love the taste, I love the smell, I love the texture, I love the way it makes me feel. Until a binge is over, then I feel disgust, sadness, depression.

Weight gain and loss is not just about food and control. It is about you and me. It is our deepest and darkest friend and enemy.

I challenge you to think about why you struggle and how you can take small steps to a better and more healthy life.

Anyway, I am off for a walk! Check in with me on "MapMyRun" to make sure I am out there :)

I've been debating for a long time whether or not to start my blog back up. There seems to be so many health and fitness blogs out there now so I am not sure that there will be interest in reading mine. Honestly, I am still not sure if this is what I need or not. At the end of August, I will be starting back full time in school and work so I may not be able to blog anyway so I guess we can just see how it goes.

Anyway, It's been a while since I have posted and it sure has been a ride. I've continually been in Weight Watchers since a month after the birth of my son, Mason. I gained about 35 pounds during my pregnancy (which was a very hard and emotional struggle for me since my I found out the weekend that I hit "Onehundredsville" I also found out I was pregnant!) and almost 2 years later, I still have 17 pounds to lose until pre-pregnancy. That means that in the last 2 years of Weight Watchers, I have lost 10 pounds. RIDICULOUS. But, I am not willing to give up my membership. I need it.

It seems like a day in my life consists of waking up, looking in the mirror, feeling fat, and then eating because I feel fat. Make sense? Hell no. But it is just how I work. It is a cycle I deal with daily and I am pretty sure I am just sick of it. I decided this morning that I am done. I am done feeling sorry for myself. 

I am beautiful.

I am kind.

I am sexy.

I am a good mom and wife.

I owe it to myself to make changes and get healthy again. 

Please join me in my fight to get back at it...for real. I appreciate your love and support so much, it is what will keep me going.

LET'S DO THIS!

This is where I started...(256 pounds)

This is where I was... (199.6 pounds) 

This is where I am today...(217 pounds)

My plan today is to get 15 minutes of "sweat time". I know 15 minutes isn't much, but it is better than nothing. Here goes nothing! Wait...let me rephrase that...Here goes EVERYTHING!